He's Not You

For that someone you can't have but still keep longing for.

***

He's not like you.

You wouldn't turn at the sound of my voice

Nor be at full attention to the treble of my laughter

You wouldn't single me out in a crowd

More so look for me in a room full of people

He's not like you.

He would gently wrap his hands on mine

Like it was my heart he was holding

He would never ignore the faint glint in my eyes

That subtly confirm my feelings

No.

He's nothing like you.

But he's not you.

He holds onto me tightly

But my mind keeps wandering off 

Towards your direction

Because even with this distance

I still don't want to lose sight of you

He steps in for your shortcomings

And for a moment, I've thought of walking towards him, too

But it scares me to take a closer look

And see that he's everything I need, but he's not you.

***

Photo by it's me neosiam from Pexels

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Saved

Hi. My gosh, how long has it been since I last wrote something? I practically had to clear some cobwebs after opening this blog. Anyway I finally got the chance to listen to some music and lyrics today and I figured I needed to flex my writing muscles if I want to stay functional. Besides, I wouldn't want to give my rival, Lang Leav any advantage, would I? Lels. 

Plus, John Mayer also still tries to release new material every now and then, his most recent being New Light...WHICH I LOVE (but then again, when did I ever hate a John Mayer song?). Never mind the music video which I suspect is a product of stress and marijuana, but do check it out if you want your life to get better: John Mayer - New Light

That said, the following poem is made out of obligation to my self. I had to write this. Not just to improve my composition, but also for some kind of consolation. This poem celebrates the idea of waiting; that in the end, you'll realize that everything that happened led you to where you should be...with the person you should be with. #yown!

***

You couldn't have come at a more perfect timing

You're the end of a storm,

you're my silver lining

Just before I could turn the wrong corner

You walked in to call this chaos to order

I was blinded; you were right there

Waiting for my eyes to open

Knew exactly what I needed

The moment I let you inside

It all makes sense now

The chains on my feet were so I wouldn't fly

Because why should I

When an angel clipped his wings to be by my side

***

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Push And Pull feat. Artwork by Ellie (a re-post)

Sometimes, you don't really need to put your works of art out into the world. All you need is to connect with the right people who share the same passion for creativity and artistic expression--be it through poetry, music, or visual arts. And yes, I just proclaimed myself a member of the artistic crowd. Lels. 

BUT let's talk about the real artist here. The drawing above is a work by no less than Ms. Ellie Bañez, my very talented former officemate, whom you probably remember from the artwork for The Admission. I cannot thank Ellie enough for offering to collaborate with me (collaborate daw oh!) and for using my poems as inspiration for her drawings. This is exactly the kind of exchange that feeds your creative soul. Ganito kaming mga artists mag-brainstorm. CHAR. 😂 Thanks again, Ellie! Looking forward to more of your drawings!

The above artwork is Ellie's visual interpretation of the poem "Push and Pull."

***

PUSH AND PULL

I'll take whispers

If that's the only way you can tell me

We're too close for comfort

We're too far to hear each other's hearts

I will, if you will

Say it and I'll echo your words

The same thoughts are running

Why can't we face what's obvious here?

This space in between

That only courage can cut through

Tell me what you're thinking

I'll confirm what's on your mind

I will, if you will

Our someday is now

Let's say the words we need to hear

Get our doubts out of the way

I won't move if you step closer

I've waited too long to back out

Come to me without reluctance

This push and pull ends now

***

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How Can I Get Your Love

Natatawa ako kay Anne Curtis. Recently she's been expressing her fondness for Korean dramas. She's one of the neophytes in the growing community of mga nilamon ng K-drama. At first I thought she only liked Gong Yoo (which of course, I didn't take lightly as she posed a threat to his and my potential marriage. LOL!) But then last night I saw these screenshots from Twitter of Anne liking and commenting on Lee Sung Kyung's Instagram posts:

 

 

May pa-"yeppeuda" na si ateng! Stage 4 na ang k-drama virus. Hahaha! Anyway, I can't blame her. Lee Sung Kyung is very girl-crush material. She embodies all my frustrations.  She started as a model so she has long legs than can bridge South Korea and Japan (ito pa lang, pack-up na). Apart from acting, she can also sing, dance, and play the piano--and I don't just mean playing para masabi lang na marunong, unlike someone I know (me. Lels). This girl's got "SUHWEEGGG!" 

Like everyone else, I learned about LSK's existence through her most recent drama, Weightlifting Fairy. I am CRRRAZYYY about this drama I can't even express how much. I watched it just this month because may paandar ako na I don't like watching popular dramas while they're airing (except Goblin, because Gong Yoo) kasi nga I'm unconventional kuno, only to give in months later and be addicted to them just like the rest. Late bloomer ako, sorry.

Anyway, even though I'm more inclined to fangirl over female celebrities, in the "Weightlifting" drama I found myself more hooked on Jeong Joon Hyung (male lead played by Nam Joo Hyuk). HE IS THE SWEETEST GUY IN THE WHOLE, WIDE, K-DRAMA WORLD. Forget Kim Shin (Goblin), Joon Hyung is every bit the boyfriend every girl could hope for. He's sensitive, caring, sweet, very expressive of his affection for Bok Joo (LSK), loyal, supportive, loves his family, and has just the right amount of playfulness in him. He's dependable and Bok Joo can be herself around him without apprehensions, and they encourage each other to be better, too. Bok Joo, how to be you po?

YES, JOON HYUNG, I CAN SEE! 

SIGH. This is one of the drawbacks of watching too many k-dramas. It gets you frustrated when you're done watching because a character like Joon Hyung is a unicorn. Fictional. Unreal. Mythical. Nonexistent. A fantasy. Or is he? May katulad ba talaga niya, Lord? Pwede pong magpa-reserve? LOL.

Even though I'm done watching the drama I'm still repeating some of the episodes, and even still search for clips on Instagram. I really love Joon Hyung, he makes my heart flutter. CHAROT! Tume-twenties? Hahaha! The drama has some great songs on its soundtrack, too! Kim Jong Wan, the lead singer of my favorite Korean-indie band Nell, has a track in the album and it was Bok Joo and Joon Hyung's theme in the drama. Naturally, it's been on loop in my Spotify for the past few days. KJW's voice really has that calming effect and his songs are very coffee shop playlist-worthy. Another one of my favorites is "I'll Pick You Up" by Standing Egg, a k-indie band that I also follow. Check them out below:

WEIGHTLIFTING FAIRY KIM BOK JOO
OST PICKS

YOU and I - Kim Jong Wan (Nell)

How can I get your love
How can I make you smile
This heart-pounding fluttering feeling
Is coloring my heart

What can I do but dream
Living in a dream all day
I wanna have courage and invite you
Will you come to me? In my dream?

I don’t know where this feeling came from
Only I know about this small trembling
I’m trapped in a sandcastle that I made myself, like a little boy
I’m still lost, looking for that dream
Shall we dream together now
You and I

How can I win your heart
How can I make You mine
Very slowly, I will tell you
Will you come to me? To a dream we can share

I don’t know where this feeling came from
Only I know about this small trembling
I’m trapped in a sandcastle that I made myself, like a little boy
I’m still lost, looking for that dream
Shall we dream together now
You and I

I'LL PICK YOU UP - Standing Egg

The love that withered inside of me

Has it come back to life

In my calm heart

You brought butterflies

Today more than yesterday

Tomorrow more than today

If I only have you, I think I’ll be happy

I’ll pick you up, wherever you are

Is it too late? I’ll run to you

I’ll pick you up, so you won’t regret

I’ll wait for you

I’ll pick you up right now

Your normally bright face

Why is it so dark today?

You are the sweet rain

That fell in my dry heart

Today more than yesterday

Tomorrow more than today

If I only have you, I will brightly smile

I’ll pick you up, wherever you are

Is it too late? I’ll run to you

I’ll pick you up, so you won’t regret

I’ll wait for you

I’ll pick you up right now

Because you colored a pretty rainbow inside of me

There is a bright smile on my face

The only one person, I’ll pick you up

Just one time, a little more

Will you place me inside of you?

Today more than yesterday

Tomorrow more than today

If I only have you, I think I’ll be happy

I’ll pick you up, wherever you are

Is it too late? I’ll run to you

I’ll pick you up, so you won’t regret

I’ll wait for you

I’ll pick you up right now

DREAM - Han Hee Jung

I’ve been hesitating for a while
In front of the time that is to come
I go back and forth from excitement and worry
Over and over again
Time keeps rushing me
We’re suddenly at the end of the road
I’m dreaming, I hope it will be eternal happiness
I’m dreaming, I hope there will be green days ahead
Even if cold wind blows over to us
I’m dreaming, I hope there will be more smiling days
Than days wet with tears
Although the seasons change
Can’t we just stay as we are?
I’m dreaming, I hope it will be eternal happiness
I’m dreaming, I hope there will be green days ahead
Even if cold wind blows over to us
I’m dreaming, I hope there will be more smiling days
Than days wet with tears


*end*

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The Admission feat. Artwork by Ellie (a re-post)

I have always wanted to incorporate visual interpretations of my writings just to give Lang Leav a fair fight (lol), but I really can't draw to save my life. Luckily Ellie, my talented and artistic former officemate at Starcom, offered to illustrate one of my poems while she continues to practice and enhance her drawing skills . Thus, the image above! Doesn't it remind you of Van Gogh's works? I can't be more grateful! Thank you, Ellie!

(click the title below to be redirected  to the original post of "The Admission")

***

THE ADMISSION

I'm finding myself below

and I can see the light above

From a small opening

Twenty feet above me

I can scratch and claw

To try and reach liberty

But the walls are too slippery

And honestly,

The light has lost appeal to me

Would you believe

I've been here for years

And I've had hands try to pull me 

up from the floor

For a moment I'd believe

That they could help me stand

But a cripple can walk farther

than the weak-willed, abled man

I'd cry for help in darkness

where I know no one could hear

In case somebody does come

I would run away in fear

I pretend to be a lion

When inside I'm a helpless prey

Haunted by the absence

of something to chase

Sympathy repels me

Yet, it's what I need

Before someone sees my frailties

I would cut the strings

I'll entrance you with music

Wear pride as a disguise

A smokescreen of lies

Hide this fraud from your eyes

***

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Push And Pull

I swear, I'm kinda "SHOOKT" these past few days. I can't get something out of my head. It's like that line from Ellie Goulding's song: "My heart don't understand why I got you on my mind." CHARET! Ang arte ko, bakit ba ako ganito? Hahaha! Eww, sumi-sixteen years old. Magtigil.

Anyway, of course I took it out to Spotify last night and like any other muni-muni segments of my life that's supported by background music, my new playlist brought new phrases into my head and compelled me to write something--anything that provides an outlet for feels. This is one of the reasons why I hate leaving Twitter. I'm usually able to satisfy my feels just by posting lines that I like from the songs I love. But since I can't do that anymore, I needed another venue to channel my emotions. Lels. Therefore, this. I'm not sure why I came up with this push and pull theme. Maybe because my previous entries were about avoiding feelings and being scared of making a move that my mind has had enough and chose to end the endless guessing game now. Lol. 

***

I'll take whispers

If that's the only way you can tell me

We're too close for comfort

We're too far to hear each other's hearts

I will, if you will

Say it and I'll echo your words

The same thoughts are running

Why can't we face what's obvious here

This space in between

That only courage can cut through

Tell me what you're thinking

I'll confirm what's on your mind

I will, if you will

Our someday is now

Let's say the words we need to hear

Get our doubts out of the way

I won't move if you step closer

I've waited too long to back out

Come to me without reluctance

This push and pull ends now

***

P.S. I'm also including links to the songs I've been listening to lately para damay-damay na. At siyempre naisama si kumareng Selena Gomez. ;) 

PLAYLIST

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